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Gemini Rising

A quote from a reading:

"The older you get, the crazier you're going to get. The older you get, the zanier you're going to become. The more eccentric you're going to become. And that's good, you know, that's good. I can see you at 40 being an amazing person, in the sense that you just don’t live in a box. You don't live in anybody's box. You’re a very free being." - Anyaa McAndrew, August 2006

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Loyalty

"You see, my kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or office-holders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death. To be loyal to rags, to shout for rags, to worship rags, to die for rags -- that is a loyalty of unreason, it is pure animal; it belongs to monarchy, was invented by monarchy; let monarchy keep it." - Mark Twain

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Miser ~ Breakthrough ~ Rebel



This was my Osho Tarot reading on Saturday, January 30th.

I've been on a trend recently of bringing lots of positive things into my life, but not wanting to let anything go. This is what I see in the Miser card. The breakthrough card represents my realization that what I'm doing in life is not working for me, and also not being very satisfying for my life partners. This has prompted a huge shift in my life, one which has been very sad but also represents the truth of the way things have been changing. The shift also moves me further along towards a being beyond all convention, the Rebel.

The Rebel is a good image for me; the sun on his shoulder links to my Apollo archetype. They say about this card: "His very way of being is rebellious - not because he is fighting against anyone or anything, but because he has discovered his own true inner nature and is determined to live in accordance with it."

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Packing

It's amazing that no matter where I'm going or why, my freshly-packed full suitcase always weighs 52-53 lbs. If they'd just made the limit 55 lbs, I'd never have to repack anything.

Off to the Big Island tomorrow. Hail Pele!

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Drawing the Comparison card

I use the Osho tarot deck for my own guidance, and sometimes with my clients. I find it pretty rich; every card represents a solid teaching from Osho, and the art (especially the colors) ties in beautifully to the teaching.

I used to draw this one a lot, so I've gotten used to thinking about it. Comparison has to do with thinking yourself wrong because you aren't like someone else, or don't have what someone else has. When I find myself in envy, or more commonly feeling dejected because I haven't done the amazing things someone else has done with their life, I notice, and mentally think "I'm drawing the Comparison card".

It's pointless. It's something which turns the joy of knowing amazing people into the pain of not being them. But as the card illustrates, this is absurd. If the bamboo was big and strong like the oak, we would not have bamboo. We each have our own unique contribution to the tapestry.

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Direct your movie

I've been reading a lot of Timothy Freke's work since meeting him in Sedona last April. His basic spiritual perspective is that we are _both_ one-with-everything-that-is, _and_ this character in this story of our life. God and Man. He's a gnostic Christian, so this is basically his take on the story of Jesus. It's different from Buddhism, because Buddhism focuses heavily on detachment to realize your oneness - but Freke's approach, and from his perspective Christianity's approach, is to both realize your divine and eternal nature, and immerse yourself deeply in the ephemeral story of your life. To know your oneness, but to laugh and cry and rage as your separateness at the same time. To feel the suffering deeply, not because you're trapped in it, but because it's poignant and beautiful.

So it's making me look at my life again, like all good philosophy should. Suppose your life is a movie, and you want the movie to be interesting, but you know that it can't really affect who you fundamentally are. From this sort of a perspective, it's easier to understand why Jesus went through with the crucifixion - terrible suffering, but a deeply meaningful conclusion to the story of Jesus-the-man, whose suffering can't truly harm Jesus-as-God.

What choices would you make differently if your life was a movie you were writing/directing? What risks would you take? What patterns in your main character are getting old and boring, what do aesthetic considerations suggest he/she should transcend?

Closing in.

We started renovating our house in May 2005. As of yesterday, the painting is complete in the kitchen and on the second floor, with the exception of paint that goes on trim. And we have new linoleum (actually Marmoleum, a natural alternative) in the kitchen, which looks awesome. The only thing left in the first and second floors is trim! And buying & installing a cool light fixture to replace the bare lightbulbs we've got in the kitchen now.

Basement's going to take a little longer, but that's OK. I'm off to paint the walls in the stairway right now, so we can be done with paint for a bit.

Ok. Enough of that.

I've decided to end my experiment with polyphasic sleep for now. I'm still experiencing way too much sleep deprivation after 10 days, so "it's not working", whatever this magic "it" is. Last night I slept nearly 8 hours, and it felt good. (I did have one point where I woke up in the middle of the night and wandered around the house, certain that I was supposed to be remembering something important before I could let myself go back to sleep... But it didn't last long.)

disappointments and benefitsCollapse )

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